Wednesday, October 19, 2011

In Defense of Duke Nukem Forever

In Defense of Duke Nukem Forever - Because Somebody's Got to Do It
by Elyse Schuler-Cruz

And so it seems twelve years worth of hype is a damn hard thing to live up to.  Everyone and their mother got so worked up over the long-awaited release that it came as no surprise to me when it failed to meet the lofty standards that had been set for it.  I mean honestly, what did we expect?  The Godfather?
(I'm talking about the Oscar-winning film; not EA's repetitive GTA cash-in.)
I hate to break it to you.  Yes, they hold their hands in the same manner.  No, they are not of the same caliber.
We've had over a decade to create this ideal game in our imaginations.  There was no way that we could ever get what we wanted.  Personally, I wanted a touching look into the childhood and repressed memories of Duke in relation to their current effects on his motivations.  That and I wanted the aliens to also be Nazis, so I could double my murderous satisfaction.  What can I say?  I'm a simple girl with simple tastes.

One of the common complaints about Duke Nukem Forever was the inability to carry more than two weapons at a time.  Yeah, I know the Duke of the 90s could carry two-elventy handguns, five shotguns, numerous rifles and a howitzer, and it was really inconvenient to get to a boss fight only to realize that I was lacking the right boomstick for the job.  Then I'd have to go back to a previous save and play through again whilst keeping the needed gun on me...oh wait.  That never happened because the right gun for the boss fight was conveniently located at my feet.  If you're judging a game's quality on how many weapons can be carried then you probably 1) hated Fatal Frame, and 2) should revise your rubric.

Now, I'm not too biased as to claim that this was Game of the Year material.  It wasn't.  All I'm saying is that just because it's not the ideal game you created in your imagination doesn't mean it's an abomination.  I reserve that title for Legend of Dragoon, and nothing's managed to usurp it in over ten years.

But seriously, that air hockey was bullshit.
Really, Duke?  You want me to win 7-0 for 30 gamerscore?  I can not even do this in real life.

Elyse Schulyer-Cruz, today's guest blogger, has been gaming since it was old school.  She started out on the NES/Master System, and has always had a soft spot for Sega.  She went to college with Debbie & Linz, majored in theater, and has recently returned to school for a teaching degree.  That's right, she could one day be schooling your kids both on the quality of game remakes and how to use a comma correctly.

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